Blah,blahh,blahhh,blahhhh...

MOVED TO... 

http://arlaineee.blogspot.com/

12 more days.

" But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."   


I'm happy, & that's all the satisfaction I need for now, so please, No ruin it for me okay?

please & thank you.









""

Before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.

Hmm, well, looks to me like they're not so clean, are they? hahahha.-well from what I remembered.


....mhm YEAH. thats what I thought!





'You can talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk'
I'd love to see you do both at the same time.


psh, that's IF you can.







"Let's compare scars & I'll show you who's is worse"

I GIVE UP!

I give up, I give up, I give up.

I get it, I'm stupid, I know I've been playing a game that I can't win.

so...

I GIVE UP. I'M DONE.

Forget that promise I made to myself, that promise ends today!
 & to hell with everything else.thank you very much.
 
Er was right, I'm so stupid & stubborn, why don't I ever take my own advice!
He said just "grow up, move on & just get over it!"
& you know what he's so right. ..& that's exactly what I'm going to do.

....'Grow up, move on, & just get over it!'

Its time for me to accept reality. Pain does draw reality.& I'm getting use to it.

I swear I am. & This time, I'm being totally serious. I realized a lot of things these past days.
I know better than that.

Man, I hate to see everything we worked/cried/fought for go to waste *sighs*...


well that's it. I'm done.

Game is so Over.



Goodbye to you.

Starting today, you'll be non-existent in my life, 'til YOU decide to be existent in my life again.

I don't really know how to consider us anymore; are we really friends? or we just all of a sudden stop being "friends" then befriend each other when we get the chance? or when YOU want to?! I thought we were good or AT LEAST okay now, then you bring the "silence." and over and over again. I really don't understand you anymore, one day we're good, the other days we're not??! but now it turned into something that's just frking awkward. I feel like I haven't spoken to you in like forever, even though its really only been 2 days or so. I really don't know what to tell you right now, I'm still at lost with words to say to you, I miss you though, I do. I just don't know anymore or what to say to you anymore...I'm sorry. I just miss the "old us"; when there was actually an 'US'...I wish we can go back, way back before the un-loyalty, before the un-trust, before the days when we argue about direction, like where to go from here. Most of the time i wonder where the heck we're going with this. you know i love you, but we don't understand each other,I don't understand you, & You DEFINITELY don't understand me.

You've always been there for me, for every complain, for every suffering, for every cheering up, for every hurt. we WERE inseparable but then I don't know what happened, I guess all this time apart from each other made this huge gap and tall wall between us? but I hope you know that I'm always here for you...It just really hurts how you don't acknowledge & see that... I i.m. you & you sign off, I text you & you don't reply,(after sitting by my stupid phone & waiting for like hours!).. so what do you expect me to think? am I right? but, I get it. You're pushing me away. oh yeah just like you said, YOU WANT TO BE ALONE, so from now I on just for you...I'll stay away.

I can't go on like this, feeling jealous, worried, depressed and what not all the time. I just can't, I know better than that.



You know how they say if you give up something, you'll gain something new, but thing is...is that thing something worth giving up?...


**ahh, & I really apologize for never returning anyones phone calls or replying to anyones text msgs,pls. forgive me, I feel soo bad, I'm sorry you guys. I will try to get back to all of you, asap.
Ugh, I think I should just turn off both of my phones so that I don't have to make up any excuses, & so that I won't be tempted to sit by my phone all day waiting for a call of txt msg that never happens. I always bring my own hopes up for nothing, I'm stupid like that. stupid I tell you.



.....well I sure don't think it is
"...& sometimes you have to let go of the one you love just to see if they love you enough to come back to you"

Jealousy...


You just have to swallow it.


EW.


--------------------

okay, I'm giving it twenty more days, Yes, 20 more days exact...what is that like 3 weeks? psh, that's long enough right? isn't it? ...Well yeah anywho, I promise myself if nothing happens within those 3 weeks or 20 days I should say, I'm done. & I PROMISE! MYSELF! I'll be done...for good.

promise.promise.pinky promise MYSELF.

you know why?...'cause I'm so over being in this confused state of mind.



-yeah, I guess you guys can say this is for my future reference only 'cause most of you all have no idea what on earth im talking about, so pardon me. hahaha.


so yeah...


20 days it is...

starting TOMORROW!




"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

"Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted"-Say (All I Need) By: One Republic








Realization is nothing more than a plea for a second chance...

REWIND.












"Breathe for love tomorrow"

It's 6 in the morning, & I haven't gotten any sleep at all yet >.<

and every time I do fall asleep, I end up waking up like every hour or so, and all i do is toss and turn.




*sighs*




"Make it quick, make it painless ,Don't tell me lies just say goodbye "-Rewind By: Paramore.







"...I need something to help me sleep. "

I am...

playing a game I can't win.






--words are so little in comparison to how you really feel inside, at the end of the day, who do you think about? there's your real answer, to what you can't admit to say.



"Game Over"

-Droplets  By: Colbie Caillat & Jason Reeves
-Lucky  By: Jason Mraz
-My Everything  By: Cathy Nguyen & Randolph Permejo
-Whisper by  By: Ernie Halter
-Getting stronger By: Adeaze

...I dare you not to fall in love with these songs ):



" One good thing about music - when it hits you , you feel no pain ."
- Bob Marley






" Think a little more with your heart."

...So one of my cousin's friends (Kadie!) is in the whole Hollywood/Jive records music business thingy & she's knows how I'm really passionate about singing & everything, so she told me about an upcoming audition in September and asked me if I wanted to give it a try, I said no at first, but haha she somehow managed to convince me so I said yes!- (haha then she forced me sing a song piece to her after that lol.)


...so with that being said, I will be auditioning on Sept. 13 at the Millenium Dance Complex in Hollywood ,- in front  of Bryan-Michael Cox (For the people that don't know him, He's a songwriter/producer that has co-written and co-produced singles like Mariah Carey's 'Shake It Off' & and some of Usher's & Destiny's Child's songs too etc...)

This is what is expected of me;

"Singer and Songwriters: Please prepare a three-minute excerpt that showcases your vocal range and ability in one of the following genres: Pop, R&B, Rap, Rock, Country, Alternative or Broadway. No accompaniment will be provided. However, you are welcome to sing without music. If you would like background music you must provide your own tape or CD player. If you have a picture and resume you may bring it, but this step is not required to audition.There’s more to the music industry than the performers who step up to the mike; the songwriters make them tick. Submit a tape or CD of an original song that you originally wrote, to be listened to by top music executives."

-ahhhh umm I'm kinda excited! & nervous at the same time! haha okay IM EXCITED [: hahaha! ah, wish me luck everyone & please keep me in your prayers!... If I do get chosen (haha, which I doubt, but we'll see who knows...) I get to go to NY and record with him at his studio over there. Omgahhh! I am truly being blessed.

Ah, now I need to think start thinking of a song that I can sing REALLY well!


Ideas Anyone?!


I would really like and appreciate people to put there input in this & help me find a good song to sing :]


Oh & yeah My Youtube site is almost ready [:



 

"So why your love went away?"





"You melt my heart to stone"

Before anything, I just want to say Congratulations to the Class of '08! Yay! you guys made it this far [: I'm going to miss you guys very dearly ): *tears* ahh, I already miss you guys ]: school has never been so empty...

ahh! soo as of today, I guess I can say,that  I'm officially & FINALLY a senior! wow, times flyin; hah, but thats a good thing, at least for ME it is, haha... Just 12 more months, well it's actually 8 more months, haha minus the 4 months of vacation lol... & I'm off to UCSD baby (: can't wait 'til its my turn! :] Freedom is at my finger tips.


well here was my original senior schedule:

1st- Computer
2nd-AP English Lit
3rd- AP Gov't & Politics
4th- AP BIO
5th- AP Calculus
6th- service -.-

so yeah that WAS my schedule, but then my Mr.Ono (my counciler) talked to me & said I didn't even need half the classes I have 'cause I have all my credits & electives down & done- so he asked me if I just wanted to go home & blah, blah,blah... 'cause I told him how I didnt even want that stupid service period 'cause I don't even need it. soo yeah basically, he changed or should I say fixed my schedule up a bit :]

so now I have:

1st- Computer
2nd- AP English Lit
3rd- AP Gov't & Politics- I DON'T EVEN NEED THIS CLASS!
4th- AP BIO
5th- AP Calculus
6th-service

so yeah,I only have four periods this year! yay! I have two free periods! [: haha, so all my hardwork did pay off! thank God! -haha,I know, I'm such a nerd.

haha, 364 more days! Heck yeahhh I'm counting down. haha, I am so done 'n ready to get out of LA, ahh I can't wait! I've always wanted to get out of here, to find better friends, ones worth keeping who'll always be there for ya. It's tough finding that here in an environment of fakeness, cattiness, & abandonment. I'm getting lost in this overrated urban city. Don't worry, I know that there's a lot of you who are really there for me, but, ehh I don't know. I don't really have anyone that is truly/always there for me, well I mean at least not anymore , & that kinda  bites Everyone who had a speck of value in my life is gone.

hell motha-freaking yesss! SUMMER IS OFFICIALLY HERE!!!-( wait is it? haha! ) -ugh, I hate how I'm still in school during the summer though >.< whatevs.

so life is pretty good for now...i guess?








"You never know what you have 'til it's gone"

I am not feeling good at all.


I don't even feel like going to their graduation tomorrow, anymore.

ahhh.